Being one that has a particular attraction to precision in communication, I have a sort of obsession with metaphors, similes, colloquialism, and idioms. Idioms are funny. I tend to use idioms and then think, “Where did that come from?” And thanks to the Internet, I don’t have to go long wondering. I think they perplex me because we often use them without much consideration for what the words actually mean when strung together. I had a stint where I made sport of mixing up my idioms. Idiom madlibs, if you will. They didn’t seem to make any less sense in the mash up. My idiom experiment was more for my own amusement than anything else. And it made my sister laugh which was a bonus. But I must admit that I see them as a lazy man’s metaphor. There is not much precision in hijacking a phrase that you have no idea of the original origin. They just sum up what you are trying to say because you have confidence that those around you understand the connotation of the phrase. Regardless of whether or not the phrase makes a lick of sense. Like that right there. “Lick of sense”. Where the hell did that come from and what does it actually mean. A literal lick? Actually, yes. Turns out that since you can only get a small portion from a lick that word can actually be used to mean a small portion. So instead of saying, “A small portion of sense” we can say “lick of sense”. Poetic license, I suppose.
I have had one idiom in particular on my mind lately. “Benefit of the doubt”. I like this one. A lot. I use it frequently, which is probably why I started thinking about what it actually means. I also like it because I am the type of person that gives the benefit of the doubt more than I should. Sometimes when it is well established that you don’t deserve it. I’m like a credit card rather than an ATM.
First, I had to establish whether this was a true idiom or a colloquialism. Turns out that colloquialisms are regional idioms. Who knew? Then I had to sort out the etymology of the phrase. Unless the idiom has an actual context, you really just get a definition. Like “get a grip” is from the movie business. A grip is an underling. I think the lowest on the food chain on a set. When you needed something, you would get a grip to go a fetch it. It has evolved to mean you need to get your emotions under control in a given situation. Not sure how that evolution took place, but that is the magic of idioms. Anyway, Google was my friend in providing a definition. Essentially, in a situation where there is any doubt, the benefactor makes an assumption that the beneficiary should be trusted. “A favorable judgment granted in the absence of full evidence.” Now, this has me fascinated.
By this definition, we give the benefit of the doubt all the time. And honestly, without even thinking about it. I trust that when I turn on my faucet the water will not be poisonous. I trust that when I drive down the street all the other drivers are not going to intentionally run into me. I trust the cook at a restaurant has not spit in my food. We trust in all kinds of situations without ever gathering information before or after. Or at least, we collect minimal information. We function in life with an understood sense of trust in the goodness or at least the courtesy of others without hesitation. But in interpersonal situations, we can be withholding bastards. Waiting for proof before we trust. Letting past situations dictate how we react in the present. Some of that seems like wisdom and some of it seems rather silly. I think that when we are truly aware of what we want to happen or what we need and know there is risk we won’t get it, we then see the doubt. And we can let that doubt be fueled by all sorts of things to grow into a sabotaging monster. When a child desperately wants the approval of their parent, when a friend needs acceptance, when a lover needs assurance, when the thing we want becomes crucial to our sense of self worth, that is when we understand profoundly the power another has to impact us. And doubt with all impartiality finally shows up on our radar.
I wonder what would happen if we extended the same trust in situations that really matter to us. I mean, surviving a car ride to the store should be one of those, but we can’t really get to know all the drivers on the road. What if we trusted in a new friend, old friends, siblings, parents, etc. with the same blind assumption of their goodness? I understand that past wounds shape us and help us to draw appropriate boundaries. They give us much needed warnings. But I also know I sometimes hide behind the boundaries, behind the wounds, behind the assumption that was has been is all that will ever be like a sad song on repeat. I guess what I am hoping to achieve in my own life is exercising wisdom but not at the cost of being open to wonder and possibility. Not like an idiot that funnels my energy into pipe dreams. But one that loves like I have never been hurt. Trusts like I have never been betrayed. Gives the benefit of the doubt when the doubt is screaming its head off. And someone that smiles like a kid that has just seen a firefly for the first time.
Oh idioms. I really do think you are a lazy man’s metaphor. But you do make me think.
